Writing - Turning a daily activity into something interesting

We wrote some descriptive recounts this week, with pleasing results.  Our aim was to take an everyday activity and make it interesting.  Which vocabulary do you think is SPECTACULAR?

We are learning to: 

•    Begin the story in a way that hooks the reader in
•    Use interesting and explicit vocabulary
•    Use adjectives to describe an object
•    Use similes - (using the words 'like' or 'as')
•    Add detail to interest the reader

Here are some examples:


Dad explained that I had to put Benson, our family dog, away in the kennel.  He had flopped down on the thick carpet.  Bright sun rays were shining all over Benson's fluffy, fur-covered body.  Benson has white fur on his belly and the rest is black.  His eyes are black and shiny.  He is a miniature Schnauzer.  I called for him.  He slowly heaved himself up.  We went outside and had a tough race.  At first he went bounding ahead of me as fast as a wolf can go.  Then I suddenly plucked up my speed and shot off like a rocket and beat Benson by five inches.  He went  into his kennel.  I gave him a crunchy treat and he barked "Thank you."

By Max

When I was brushing my teeth my tooth popped out.  When it popped out, the tap was still running and I JUST saved it from running into the drain.  I tried to keep it a secret but I couldn't because my slimy gum was bleeding.  My heart was beating so hard like I was running hard out.  I tried to keep it a secret because my Mum and Dad's friends were over.  That would be embarrassing!  The next time I brushed my teeth it felt funny because my front tooth was gone and I started to get upset.

By Emily

I was playing with my cute kitten in the hot sun.  She was following me around and meowing like my brother when he was a baby.  When I drag a long piece of white string across the smooth ground she will chase it.  Sometimes she nudges my face.  She is as fluffy as cotton wool.  I love my cat!

Katie

I was slowly patting my Nanna and Pops soft cat while the rich, yellow sun was sparkling through the old window.  She started to purr.  Queeny has white fur under her medium chin and the rest is black.  She has eyes like a green emerald.  I patted it one more time.  It hissed like a snake at me and stuck it's hard paw out and tried to scratch me with its sharp claws.

Nelson        

When I scratch my cat under his chin where it is white, he shuts his eyes and purrs in the sunlight like music in a disco.  He follows me wherever I go and when I pat him he immediately lies down in the sunlight.  He's got white whiskers as long as a piece of string.  He's black and white and likes chasing rats, mice, birds, bees, and butterflies.  His fur is as soft as snow.  His name is Boris.

Yannick